| NEW!!! READ!! OR ELSE!!!! |
[19 May 2004|05:12pm] |
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"I Shot The Devil"--Suicidal Tendencies |
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NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW!!
I GOT A NEW LJ!!!
Details: it's friend only. the name of it is xlostxcontrolx u will have to comment to be added. and yes i added sum of u already but a lot of u have to add me back. i haven't done a layout or gotten an icon for it or anything yet, but i will be making it cool soon!! see ya there!!!
Is This The End??
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| DAMNIT I'm such a mean grl |
[17 May 2004|07:56pm] |
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FUCK FUCK FUCK!! i didn't have time to call this kid Ben back. god i feel like such an ass. he sounded sad. damnit. and damnit Rich isn't IMing me back and i need to ask him sumthing. and fuck, i cute my toe open badly. and shit Ted is making me horny again. alright 7th Heaven is starting in 3 min. to top it all off i'm PMSing at everyone 2day!!
PICK ONE!
suicidal poem (with a gun shape)
abusive boyfriend poem (with a grave stone shape)
drinking poem (wine glass shape)
Running away poem (car shape)
PLEASE HELP ME AND PICK ONE!!
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| I'm thinking of getting my tongue pierced!!! whatcha think?? |
[17 May 2004|04:28pm] |
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music |
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Mix CD |
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wow, so i'm not in that much of a better mood. Matt is a loser. ha. okie j/k. though i am not as fond of his as i used to be but he's still not the WORST person. o well, anyways, i was talking to him for a lil and he brought up shit he did with his g/f and he knows i hate that (and plus i dont like his g/f). well, that kinda got me a lil mad but i didn't let it bother me much.
i also talked to this Kevin. whoaaa how long has it been?? A VERY LONG TIME!! he left our school AWHILE AGO. all i know is it was WAY b4 i started dating Ted.....i missed him. it was good to have at least the short convo we had. at least he still exists. heh.
now i am talking to Rich and trying to figure out a new SN. Rich is a funnie fellow. and he's awesome!! i am probably gunna have the new SN lovextoxddr69 as soon as i make it. haha, alright bye now people!!
Rich's Thoughts On ME Getting MY Tongue Pierced:
"that is a little extreme. i dont look at that and go ooooo thats sexy. bad." Rich thinks i should get my belly button pierced instead.
WHAT DO YOU THINK???
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| I Need Peoples Help Later... |
[17 May 2004|02:19pm] |
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yeah people i'm alive. yeah after 2day i still don't feel i am. 2day wasn't a good day. last night was AWESOME though! sry i don't feel like writing about the party right now!! it was tons of fun though!! anyways, i dont feel like talking or eatting although i have a lot to say and i'm really hungry. my throat doesn't hurt exactly but when i talk or eat it does. it feels like my throat is swollen. idk. then 2day i was SOOO tired from the last couple of days that i felt like i was jus gunn pass out any second from being so tired.
right now i am jus gunna go eat eventhough it hurts. i'm jus to hungry. then i think i am going to sleep for a lil. bye people.
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| You DON'T Know!! |
[16 May 2004|01:54pm] |
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The Ataris (sp) |
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TAKE ME!!!
TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!! TAKE ME!!
PLEASE!!
*falls on floor crying* no one...understands.....
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| night-time fever (haha Chris) |
[16 May 2004|07:57am] |
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i dont feel like typing out last night. haha, alright i know i'm lazy. sooo last night:
it was b4 i went to work that i asked TG if she wanted to hang out. she said probably. so i went to work, and well, worked, then i came home n called her. we couldn't figure out anything to do. and it went on like this until at like 6 she calls me and asks if i wanna go to Blackbeards. i laughed b/c Ted normally gets off work at 6. so he was going to be like "o i see how it is u went when i wasn't working". anyways, i ate and got ready to go. i left my bathing suit on b/c i wasn't in the move to change. so TG and i planned to meet there at 7:15PM. well my mom and i seriously pulled in Blackbeards parking lot at 7:15PM. haha. she said hello and guess what Ted was there "working" (no j/k he really was working).
TG and i decided we wanted to mini golf first. there were sum funnie people in front of us. also i suck at mini golfing but it's such a fun game. i fell in hole 3 (right outside the 1st cave). then at the next cave one (i can't remember what number it was) i was showing Ted what happened and jus to give and example. i jus wanted to show him how i was standing but then i seriously almost fell and not on purpose. god i'm dumb. so i cheated a lot. haha. anyways, at the last hole i was lke an in. away from the god damn hole. *is mad* well, ok i'm not mad last night was WAY to much fun. this whole time mini golfing (like an hr. or sumthing) i had to pee but never did (until i got home later that night).
After mini golfing we went to bows and arrows (i would say the other word for it but i dont know how to spell it) haha!! we Ted gave us each 40 arrows. 'cept TG stole a lot of mini. hehe. i suck at b&a. haha, but it was still fun. Ted tried to teach me but i guess i was jus meant to suck at b&a. well, then Ted was telling us we were GOING TO HAVE TO pick up the arrows. but accutally that was a lot of fun. the big monster moving guy in the back scared the crap outta TG and i almost fell down from laughing. after we got a bucket filled (there were still tons more) he made us count 20 out for each holder thingy. alright i have to admit i hated that part. probably b/c i HATE counting. hehe. but hey Ted asked for my help so i helped and he was giving us free games. then we went the water thing right next to it and TG got soaked. hehe!! that was fun. so anyways then we went to the batting cages where Ted was. he gave TG free games. i wasn't ready to hit the fast softball kinda things coming at me so i made TG go. haha. again we didn't have to pay. afterwards we went to the golfing range. TG and i DID pay for that. but it was worth it. it was a lot of fun. haha. i suck at it. (wow that sounds wrong) so anyways, then, we went back to the b&a and water thingy place. we helped Ted fill up water balloons. alright they have this thing where it makes it easier to tie it but i didn't know how to use it until like my last 20 balloons but b4 that i had filled up so many more. haha!! my fingers were hurting. anyways TG and i played the game again (again for free) and Ted for my soaked b/c he hit the target. haha, then he made TG i full up more balloons for the lil people who wanted to play. but then my mom came and we (TG and i) had to go. i said bye to ted, TG, and her dad. Ted still had to work.
the whole ride home i told my mom about my night and i didn't stop talking unless she asked a question until we got home. i loved last night. then, i got home and put dry clothes on and felt so much more comfitable. haha. my skin was warm again. i then went to check my messages online and IMed Ted to thank him. he's such a sweetie. then, i decided i wanted to sleep since last night i got about 2 hrs. and 2day i'm going to a party. i put my head on my pillow and was out by 11:30 only to be woken up and hr. later by the storm thingy or w/e u wanna call it. i didn't get back to bed to about 2. my cat slept with me until i woke up again at 7 and read until 7:0 and then i took my cat outside to watch a guy fish. it was fun. it was really nice out. now i am at my computer and when i finish this i am going to shower or clean my room or listen to music or sumthing. bye people!!
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| I <3 My Best Friend & My Boyfriend!! |
[15 May 2004|10:43pm] |
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TONIGHT DEF. WAS A NGHT I WILL NEVER FORGET!!
THANX TG AND TED!!
(people i will write about 2night 2morrow. cause right now i am really tired. nighty night! sweet dreams especially to Ted hehe i love you!!)
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| my leg...ahhh...it |
[15 May 2004|03:05pm] |
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sum rap shit (haha) |
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u r sooo immature it's not even funnie anymore. god grl ur soo gay.
work 2day was hell...well after the 2nd game. i ended up falling b/c sum dumb ass guy tripped me b/c he thought he had the right ways and w/e. but anyways so my ankle/leg is really a mess right now (and to think the same leg was messed up in the beginning of the week from my morning runs). i have HORRIBLE tan times. the back of knees are SOOO tan. i have a V-shape on my neck from the shirt, and the short tan lines. even the high sock ones. i also NEVER got my break. i got NO break at all. jerks took it away and made me work more. i did make extra money, then i also ended up working until about 2:30. which sux!! it was nice but VERY hot!
2night i am probably gunna hang with TG. also 2day i saw Sierra. hehe. 2morrow (like i already said i get to see her too). i miss Ted. honestly sumtimes i dont understand how i can go on not seeing him all the time. i was never really able to do this b4. i had to at least see my boyfriend every other day. even that was hell for me. haha. but now if i am luckie i see Ted once a week. i mean yeah i complain but i guess i gotta learn to deal with it...it's jus hard to.
i'm gunna go tan or sleep or sumthing. i'm really tired from last night. toodles.
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| 7 years old |
[15 May 2004|07:37am] |
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a 7 yr. old doesn't know what depression is.
a 7 yr. old doesn't know what suicide is.
at 7 yr. old u are a care-free person.
a 7 yr. old can teach u a lot of things.
a 7 yr. old can disract u from what's going on in ur life.
these reasons and more are the reasons i love Sierra!! (i get to go to her Communion Party 2morrow at sum HUGE ASS hotel. very nice and expensive!!)
i <3 Sierra!!
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| did u say u fucked the tree |
[14 May 2004|06:53pm] |
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alright i jus want to say to the people who read my last entry (has been deleted). it was friends only and i had a lil mental breakdown i guess u could call it (that's what Chris did). so i took a shower and read and wrote shit and calmed down a lot. so now i'm in a better mood again. i have a lot to do which means if any1 wants to do anything 2night they'd probably have to come over here (or pick me up) LATER! i found out my work hours for 2morrow 8:30-2. i will have my cell with me 2morrow since i have about an hr. break (about 9:45-10:30). call my cell then n keep me company!! 644-9242 alright bye for 2day people.
PS i didn't retake the pix 2day b/c i was to lazy....sry. i will though people!
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| Can You Do "It" That Way?? |
[14 May 2004|01:16pm] |
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people talking in 8th |
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uhhh i cant member what i did yesterday after school really. all i remember now i talking to Dominika (sp?...and only b/c i jus read it in her LJ). i do remember kinda what i did last night. my mom brought my out and dropped me off with my friends at 6:45PM. we ate and then decided to come back to my house. they dropped me off at my house and then went to 7-11 to pick up things. o yeah and in that time i talked to Ted, but then i had to go and visit my friends. they stayed over, about 6 of them. we watched the Mets game and THEY WON!! YAY!! uhhh...then, let's see...that's all i can remembered from yesterday.
2day i am jus really hungry right now. as always i am in 8th. there really isn't anything to write. i was fine all more then as the day progressed i became more and more outta it. i'm not depressed i think i am over tired. who knows though. 2day for English i forgot to print out my lyrics (though i jus told her my printer was broken...teachers fall for anything). well, Dominika (sp?) asked if i wanted to use her but i ended up jus not using them b/c Ms. J. said i could bring mine in on Monday. hehe. thanx anyways Dominika (wow am i spelling ur name wrong?)
uhhh...this guy Ben called me yesterday and never called me back so i TMed him and was like "where's the love" haha. i mean i jus hate when people do that kinda stuff. though i can understand sumtimes, i wasn't even home. o yeah I WORK 2MORROW!! i was kinda hopig for rain b/c i don't wanna but i NEED to for more money! haha, maybe next weekend i can see Rich. i miss him. I always wanna see Mike sumtime. and TG.....hey TG what are u doing Sat. night?? i want to go to the Rec Station.
when i go home Rich told me i have to take pix of me in a bathing suit. haha, i will. although it's kinda cold...and although i am wearing fucking short shorts and a tee-shirt (though i have a jacket on). alright i am gunna go now. as soon as i get home the 1st thing i'm doing is making myself a yummy turkey, cheese, and tomato sandwhich...YUM!! bye!!
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| "am i good looking?"--Me "hell ya"--Rich <3 |
[13 May 2004|06:33pm] |
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Rich talking to me online!! <3 |
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hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs hand cuffs
alright sry people. anyways i am leaving in about 10 min. YAY!! alright i love Ted, Rich, Mike, Chris, Kelly, and TG. and all the rest of my friends!! also i had a lot of fun/interesting convos with bunches of diff. people 2day!! certain people r jus sooo awesome/cool/funnie. although sum people jus drive me insane *coughs*!! o yeah and RICH is going to remind me to TAKE PIX of me in my bathing suit 2morrow...aren't u Rich?!?! haha...uhhh...yeah bye now!! sexy people!!
I Am A...
...VIRGIN!!
GOD DAMNIT!!
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| being sliced open with knives |
[13 May 2004|02:43pm] |
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full |
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music |
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a mix CD my friend made for me |
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sooo lately i have realized i have this new feeling. like a new "self confidence". although i still don't really like the way i look i really think of myself better. i find myself talking to a lot of new people and jus smiling. i feel like nothing can bring down my mood. i have new ways of thinking. i think about a situation and if it really is no big deal sumhow i 4get it. but if it is a big deal i will jus try and work it out. i have gotten along with my friends a lot more lately and it's jus sooo great.
alright so i am probably going to take pix later...uhhh...o yeah i am going out 2night so i probably won't be home. idk yet. i wrote 3 poems 2day. 2 in English Class and one in my head.....their not the kinda poems i usually write but i CANNOT write depressing poems for English Class.....k check them out and tell me what u think:
Cannot forget you
Always in my heart
No one can match up to you
Never forget me
Only in my dreams u r mine again
Together we were unstoppable
(that poem was really about...idk...but it was off the top of my head b/c my friend asked me to write one off the top of my head)
( the other 2 )
1 last thing, i really DON'T like this kid more then a friend but lately he has really been there for me. protecting me and standing there for me like NO OTHER has b4. and to think i barely know the kid. i feel bad, i want him to be happie to though.....i jus gotta figure out what would make him happie.....thanx kid (eventhough u don't read this). (remained nameless...do to people getting mad at me)
ONE MORE THING!!!
JUSTIN IS GIVING ME HIS BANDS DEMO 2MORROW!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!
I <3 LOCAL BANDS!!
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| JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!! |
[12 May 2004|02:42pm] |
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ADVICE DO NOT get me started on the Silver Bay bullshit!! we all know it's bullshit!! EVERYONE DOES!! don't say shit until THE FUCKING POLICE or w/e SAY WHATS TRU OR WHATS NOT!! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP FUCKING LOSERS!!
alright, so 2day wasn't a bad day. i have no worries. accutally i do, but for sum reason they really didn't bother me 2day. i was in my own lil world 2day. haha. so 2night i am probably not going to the TEAM meeting. wait i KNOW i am NOT!! i have a VOTECH meeting. yes i got admited!! hehe. for photography. yeah that meeting is from 7-8 and i am probably going out or sumthing after so i got no time to get back all the way to the place for TEAM. plus it's not important...well it is but u know what i mean.
yeah so that's about it. the storm here is getting bad and i jus want to get this posted and maybe lay down for a lil. bye bye people!!
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| i THOUGHT u were my friend...i guess i THOUGHT wrong!! |
[11 May 2004|08:57pm] |
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alright i really don't understand u *insert name of "ex-friend here* anymore. i really thought i had u figured out...at least a lil. i really did consider u a friend. but then i tried to do sumthing nice for u and it all turned out a big mess and u blamed it on me. at first i was really pissed off and upset. b/c i have NEVER done anything like that to any of my friends. i dont like to hurt my friends. so, then jus 2night i was like "maybe i will 4give u"..."maybe i will accept ur sry". i wanted to maybe try and be friends with u again...or at least talk again. u know we haven't even talked.
but sumthing happened. sumthing i think is total bullshit!! YOU GOT THIS GRL THAT WANTED TO FIGHT ME LAST YEAR TO THREATEN ME!!! and u know what else u did?!?! YOU GOT UR BEST FRIEND TO THREATEN ME!! I DONT EVEN KNOW HER!! alright grl. i really thought u were awesome. i had gotten to know u and u were fun to hang around. but now i jus feel hurt and totally used. this is one of the reasons (when we were friends) that i told u that i don't really like grls much. this is y i hate people who do this kinda shit. i still can't believe u did this. and now u jus ignore it. now u jus get other people to do the work for u. that's gay.
alright u know...if ur willing to say ur sry than maybe i will start talking to u again. and I WILL ADMIT!! Spanish HAS been boring not being able to talk to u!! i miss talking to u. i really will forgive u THIS time if u say ur sry.....i jus won't want to be around u as much. i won't want to really hang out with u. i won't want to talk to u as much.....unless u also got ur friends to say sry. b/c that's completely RUDE!! they don't even know me!! i was THERE FOR YOU!! and their saying i never was!! BUT I WAS!!! i cared about u and i was TRYING to make u happie but u didn't see that!!
but i will let u decide what u want...jus let me know!!
PS if ur friends keep threatening me or if u even do (which u haven't) I WILL go to the prinicpal or what not. my slate has been clean for awhile now and i am NOT in the mood to have everything messed up more!! i don't want to deal with anymore bullshit!!!!
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| "hey beautiful"--My Friend (to me...to bad i aint) |
[11 May 2004|07:51pm] |
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music |
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a country song |
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i'm really hot. it's to hot out. i need to shower. i am over tired that i keep seeing black when i get up. i have to make a fone call (name shall rename un-named do to people probably getting mad at me).
i think that's about it. o yeah and Ted was here 2day <3!! hehe. TG (my "best friend") never called me and i am kinda upset about that, but o well, bye now.
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| Now Shut Up Already... |
[10 May 2004|05:47pm] |
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accomplished |
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Avril |
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Alright People...I do this about every week now. i get everything i have been saving 2gether. though i usually do it every Sat. or Sun. I was busy those days this weekend...so here it's Mon. now enjoy!!
( a bunch of stolen shit again )
( Pictures...FINALLY!! )
COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT U THOUGHT!!
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[10 May 2004|03:06pm] |
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ya know something, if i could have one wish, do u know what it would be
i would wish for people to stop making you unhappy.. cuz when you're happy, you smile and your smile is amazing
I <3 JESS!!!
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| people r gay |
[10 May 2004|01:23pm] |
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depressed |
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jazz |
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Omg people act like lil fucking kids. It’s sooo fucking gay. Alright so 2day wasn’t my day and I jus want to fucking die…still. And now I am taking Anonymous comments off. If u go back about 2 entries u will see y. and I then I jus deleted one from the other day. I mean I would keep it on if people would fucking say their names, but nooo people are jus BIG FUCKING BABIES!! and if it comes down to it I will make all my entries friends only but I don’t want to do that b/c it’s not fair to my friends who don’t have LJs.<p.
Anyways like I was saying there are really sum complete bitches and asshole around. And it’s sooo fucking gay when one of ur friends gets mad at u for sumthing u didn’t do/say. I won’t even talk to this person for awhile. I am not being immature, it’s jus that when they accused me of that I got REALLY HURT and pissed off…so even of they did want to talk again I don’t think I will. O well, not my problem. I jus know I have Jess. *smiles* thanks sooo much Jess. U don’t know how much I was going to cry about everything b4 and then u came and gave me a big hug and that’s really what I needed. Then Anthony accutally made me laugh (while Tiffany and Judy went to the bathroom). Sumtimes he can be a sweetie. I now jus want to go home and talk to Ted. Also this guy Ben that I have been talking to, it’s weird b/c I got mad at him during the day but then he called me last night and sounded really upset and confused. By that time though I had been drinking a lil so I was a lil buzzed so I didn’t really know what to say. I better go Mike jus told on my. Crap.
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